Autism and Money: My Experience

Neurodiversity is a huge topic; I couldn’t possibly cover everything that I want to in just one blog. Especially because neurodiversity will be different to each person, just like a fingerprint. However, I would like to share my own experiences so that I can tell you first-hand about how I’ve navigated some of the challenges.

Please keep an eye out for my other blogs such as ‘Navigating ADHD and Building Financial Confidence’.

In my early to mid-teens, I was desperate for a social life outside of school. I wanted people to spend time and have fun with. Mixing with others didn’t come easy to me so I spent most of my time at home and with my best friend who lived nearby. I’d describe us as being lonely together. I loved earning money, I always had, it was a very quantifiable reward and it made me feel a sense of freedom because I could choose what to do with it.

I started walking a neighbour’s dog every day at the age of 12 and when my Gran needed more help I used to help, and I got some pocket money from my parents for that too. On top of that, my mum and dad were busy with work. My sister and I got pocket money for doing chores at home. I felt responsible for doing those chores, especially when my sister started work and she had less time for chores. As soon as I hit 14, I followed in my sister’s footsteps and started cleaning hotel rooms as it was better than the pocket money I was getting at home. The problem was that I still had to do the chores at home. My sister was older, so her exams were always more important than what I was doing. My drive to earn more money was always linked to my feeling of low self-worth and I thought that if I could buy certain things that would make me seem cooler!

My anxiety masked my tiredness and because I had lived with it for so long, I assumed was something experienced by everyone. As a result, I developed coping strategies to manage my stress and anxiety which were costly in both the financial and psychological sense.

As I got older, I started to take more interest in less structured activities…such as going out. I felt like nights out and drinking alcohol allowed me to meet people outside of school. Alcohol made it easier to talk without feeling so self-conscious. I remember feeling like I had to go to everything, even if it meant working more to earn money so that I could go to more social events. I’d go to things even when it meant I’d be too tired and would, unknowingly, disassociate.

I soon took up smoking because it meant that I’d have something to do and a clear crowd of people to spend time with on my breaks at sixth form. Now I’ve accepted myself I know I get frustrated and restless if don’t socialise, but I’m a natural introvert and it takes energy to interact with other people I’m not comfortable with.

Dating made life easier too. Friends always seemed difficult to come by, but dating seemed relatively easy. I’d never really thought about power dynamics before, but my first girlfriend was older than me and was my manager too. I liked her, she seemed so easy going and was a lot of fun. She was the opposite of me; I was always striving to do better and be better. She just was. Which is how it seemed until you scratch the surface.

We were on and off and during that time, she told me she met someone else but that had ended up with her being assaulted. We got close again and I went back to feeling like I needed to impress her, and she continued to treat me poorly. She was inconsistent with communication, manipulative with money and would use her experience of assault to make me compliant to her needs. When the exciting time came to buy my first car, I was ‘persuaded’ into buying hers as she hadn’t passed her driving test, so she no longer needed it and subsequently paid more than the car was worth.

My relationships since then have become more equal. I’ve stayed (mostly) away from any red flags and I’ve questioned financial fairness regularly. It’s got easier as I’ve become more self-confident, self-aware, and outspoken. I like to think that I’m fair too. I never want to repeat those feelings of powerlessness, nor impose that on anyone else.