Autism and Money: Me and My Experience, Updated Now I Understand Myself Better
Autism and Money: Me and My Experience, Updated Now I Understand Myself Better
Looking Back
To recap from my last newsletter about this, I spoke about trying hard to fit in. I would spend money knowing I could make wiser choices, but having nice things made me feel like I was enough. Visiting friends or going out would always cost money. I needed that connection because I was lonely without it, but it is hard when you do not have much disposable income. I spoke about being tired because I had to work to maintain my social life, but I also had school, college, uni and, later in life, more studying and exams.
What Has Changed
I have just finished my exams and I have achieved Chartered Financial Adviser status. I am excited to see how I feel about life and work now that it is done. Even when I have not been studying for an exam, it has been hanging over me. My newfound headspace is giving me an opportunity to think about how autism affects me. I’ve been discussing it with my neurospicy friends.
Conversations About Addiction
I have had a number of conversations about addiction recently. Apparently, a high number of neurodivergent people struggle with addiction to drugs or alcohol at some point in their lives (University of Cambridge, July 2021)
I have been a smoker and I have definitely been addicted to things, my phone is the biggest one. I also get fixated on people or things. At the moment, it feels relatively easy to control. I have noticed that when I do not sleep very well I am more likely to hyperfocus on something in a way that is not always healthy. I remember telling a doctor that I would rather work than do almost anything else sometimes, which feels very sad looking back. I am so glad I enjoy my work, but I want connection with my family and friends, and working obsessively is not going to help.
Settling Into a New Routine
I think my neurodiversity is starting to help me save money. Now I have got my sleep pattern under control and I have been working out. I feel very content. I have got a family and friends, but I moved when I met my wife and a lot of my friends live so far away. I cannot be bothered to find enough podcasts to fill the drive time. That is only one of the many tiny barriers stopping me from getting in the car and visiting friends. Mostly, I feel very settled, barely leaving the house at the moment. I am not locked in my house, hiding because of anxiety. Staying at home reduces how much I spend, which does feel nice, but I do not think I will be satisfied with Zoom calls to connect in the long run.
I have been planning a wedding, which is five weeks away now. I am glad we decided to have a celebration. We are already legally married, but it has been a lot of work. I hope I will feel more motivated to visit friends afterwards, even if it does mean I will spend more.
Meet the Friends
I have a friend who we will call Lamppost, because obviously that is a made-up name and I am writing this looking out of the window. He told me he started drinking to loosen up around other people. That their social anxiety disappeared with some Dutch courage. I am sure most people can relate to that confidence boost, neurotypicals too. But the issue was that being autistic meant Lamppost was in so many awkward situations, he started feeling like he had two versions of himself. Even if the drink-fuelled version of himself did put his foot in it, he would not notice or he would not remember. It is easy to see how he ended up struggling to choose sobriety. It did not take long to have a financial impact. Even drinking at home or at a friend’s house where it is cheaper, meant missing days of work, stopping overtime and buying extra food.
I had another friend who found it hard to date. We will call them Banana, because they are date-less. I will give you a second to titter and eye-roll as hard as you can. Now back to the story. Banana wanted a relationship. To feel worthy, they bought designer clothes, and when they met someone new, they would go to fancy places and do expensive activities. It is a lovely thing to treat someone, and I have seen plenty of Take a Break magazines where a 20-odd-year-old sold her story about how she married her best friend’s grandad and how she just could not resist the smile of the multi-millionaire. But when you do not actually have that kind of lifestyle, it is hard to maintain.
I would like to think that his relationships did not work out because people do not like to be lied to, but Banana always felt that actually having more income would be the answer to finding a partner.
I have got another friend who does not earn much. We will call him Pigeon. I am still looking out of the window while I think. Pigeon adores a spreadsheet. He uses them for a lot of different things, like his business, but his spending is all set out in a handy table. He knows exactly how much he and his husband have in the bank at any one time. He sets rules so his expenses are controlled. He will stay for one drink even if he makes it last two hours. It is a discipline I would love to have. I love a routine, but then the ADHD part of my brain takes over and finds the routine boring. Or I simply just get blind to it. I have done a task every day for three weeks and all of a sudden I have forgotten it ever existed. It is completely disappeared from my consciousness.
My work life is enough structure and discipline for me. I have a set system, but it will never involve a spreadsheet so I am not even going to try. My bills go out of one account, my spending money is in another. If I am halfway through the month and I have spent half of my spending money, I am good. That went off on a tangent, but I am not sorry. One of my favourite tips is to have two current accounts for different purposes. Pigeon has more like two current accounts and eight different savings pots. Show-off. But do what works for you.
Short-Term Memory and Mindful Spending
Let us talk about short-term memory. Many of us struggle with this. My friend Sky has this problem too. The number of times she has bought something only to find she already had at least one is ridiculous. Her words, not mine.
Like I told her, you have the right to refuse delivery of a purchase, and it will find its way back to the retailer for a refund. You can return it too. Retailers do not have to refund purchases by law, but many do. I know it is something else to do, but getting five pounds instead of keeping travel adapter number three can add up. It might help you make more mindful purchases if you know it is more effort to return it than to check the two drawers that might already have the adapter. When you check the drawers out of habit, you are a superhuman.
Our Furry Friends
And finally, I will mention our emotional support animals. I have two and I love them more than most people. Even when they have 2am zoomies I love them more than politicians. I’ve taught my cats a few commands and one of them comes for walks with me. I’ve told my family the next cat we get will be lead trained. I get anxious about the responsibility of vet bills. But if your pet has more insurance than you do, we probably need a chat.
What I Do and How I Can Help
That brings me onto what I do for a living. I am a Financial Adviser. In fact, I am a Chartered Financial Adviser now. I have designed my process to be as neurospicy-friendly as I can. I ask about accessibility needs with a genuine will to make the process as easy as I can for you.
If you would like help with any of the following, but not limited to:
- Retirement Planning
- Financial Reporting
- Personal Cash Flow Modelling
- Investment Planning
- Protection Insurance such as life cover, critical illness or income protection
- Staff Benefits
Here are my details if you want to get in touch:
Jamie Lowe
07469 712299
www.calendly.com/jamie-lowe-tsw
True Self Wealth Ltd is an Appointed Representative of and represents only St. James’s Place Wealth Management plc (which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority) for the purpose of advising solely on the group’s wealth management products and services, more details of which are set out on the group’s website http://www.sjp.co.uk/products. The ‘St. James’s Place Partnership’ and the titles ‘Partner’ and ‘Partner Practice’ are marketing terms used to describe St. James’s Place representatives.
SJP Approved 01/07/2025
